Making babies

You’re getting married, but you’re not looking to become parents right away. Do you really need to discuss this right now?

Yes! Parenting is a huge part of most marriages, and you need to be on the same page when it comes to your expectations, needs, priorities and plans. If you have very different ideas about parenting and you don’t discuss them now, you could be in for disappointment, lots of conflict and even tragedy.

Consider what God says about becoming parents. Talk about your priorities: your biological clocks, your careers, your finances—and a timeline of what you both expect, even how many children you’d ideally like to have, etc.

What is important to you, really? What if you have children sooner than you’d like? What if you want children but then you can’t have them? Will you adopt? Talk about these possibilities now—just to be sure you’re on the same page.

Then, plan for the future. If the two of you can’t come to an understanding, it’s time to reevaluate your relationship. Better now than later.

The problem with porn

It’s now generally accepted as normal, and society says it’s just natural for men to view porn, either on the internet, by video, on TV or in magazines. They say it doesn’t matter and it doesn’t hurt anyone, but there’s another side to it—a very dark side.

Truth is, pornography of any kind, trivializes sex, degrades women, erodes trust and desensitizes the conscience. Most often, a woman whose man is addicted to porn of any kind feels betrayed, like there’s another lover competing for her man’s love, and she’s right.

The Bible says that a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways, and that’s true when he is double-minded about his affections. He’s torn between the one he loves and the ones he views, and quite often both are left confused and frustrated—and conflict arises.

This is a serious problem, whether it’s easy to admit or not. One place to start is by going to www.pureintimacy.org and read more about it. There you can find helpful information for overcoming this threat to your relationship.

You should also discuss this problem together as a couple and find support to overcome the addiction through your church or a counselor. Before you get married, make sure you have only one love.

Sex and God

God has some really cool plans for sex. Yes, it’s about enjoying each other, basking in the pleasure and fun of true intimacy with your spouse and receiving the comfort you get from being in the arms of the one you love and are married to. But it’s also about deep and honest open communication, companionship and absolute trust in the very most intimate way.

And it’s about living a holy and godly life, keeping healthy sex only within marriage—with your body and mind. Finally, sex is for participating in the wonderful experience of creation and enjoying the wonder of raising children. You’ve got to admit, God’s plans for sex are great.

It’s a Pleasure to Serve!

After you’ve married, you may be surprised to discover that there’s an interesting dynamic to sexual intimacy. It’s about pleasure, yes, but it’s really about the pleasure of the other, not just you. As you serve one another instead of just enjoying intimacy selfishly, you actually find greater satisfaction and fulfillment in the process.

It’s simple really. Concentrate on affirmation, affection, and acknowledgement of the other, and you’ll enjoy your times of intimacy all the more. Affirm each other physically as well as emotionally; show affection, not just passion; acknowledge your unconditional love and commitment to one another. Serve each other; you’ll be glad you did.