What does God expect for our marriage?

It’s a funny thing, God really doesn’t expect anything that’s not in your best interest. He cares for you—often more than you care for yourself!

God knows that it’s best for you to leave your family of origin and bond to the one He gives you as your mate (Genesis 2:24). He loves that you’re forming a new family when you marry, so He expects you and your spouse to become one, to find true companionship, to experience real intimacy, and to reflect His glory in your relationship. To do this, you have to make some changes in the way you view your family of origin so that your spouse comes first.

God also expects you to serve each other unselfishly; accept one another’s unique personalities, needs, and differences—and honor your covenant with each other. He expects you to love each other, be merciful and forgiving, and be patient as you learn and grow together.

All this might sound like a lot, but really, He just wants you to love one another well and enjoy your relationship to the fullest (John 13:34-35).

Your circle of single friends

You’ve been single for a long time and have quite a circle of single friends who treasure their single lifestyle. Now they’re giving you grief because you’re getting married. You hear the jokes. You put up with the snickers and snide remarks. How to you manage all this and help them to see that you’re happy to be getting married?

Tricky stuff, to be sure, and sometimes you may even loose a friend or two through this transition. You know that you can’t continue your single lifestyle after you marry, and that’s a wise thing to recognize. You also know that you must keep your mate first, even over your best friend. But how do you manage this?

First, discuss this transition with your friends. Help them understand that your friendship doesn’t have to be threatened by your upcoming marriage. But also let them know that your priorities have and should change—your fiancé comes first from now on. And encourage your friends to affirm your marriage, not fight against it. Ask them to be positive and encouraging to your face—and to others.

Unfortunately, there may be one or two who just don’t get it. They want things to stay the same, even when that’s not the best thing to do. Realize that this reaction may stem from immaturity, ignorance, selfishness or insecurity, and give them space and a little grace for those shortcomings. But be sure you draw a good healthy boundary, and keep your future spouse first.

Valentine's Day

The pressure is on to make Valentine’s Day the best it can ever be! Marketing screams “bigger is better”—the bigger the gift, the more you love your Valentine. Or they say that flowers or candy or perfume is a must. And of course, a loving Valentine’s gift isn’t complete without a fancy card.

Is all this true? What is Valentine’s Day about anyway?

Valentine's Day is named after St. Valentine, and it's a time for acknowledging the treasure you have in the certain someone in a meaningful and special way. And, frankly, the marketers don’t have it right.

A meaningful gift may mean that a guy who doesn’t do much cooking stretches himself to make a special dinner or host his sweetheart for a candlelit picnic in your living room. Or it may mean he signs both of you up for ballroom dance classes, even though he doesn’t really like to dance—but she does.

It may be a handwritten love letter to your fiancé that describes all the wonderful traits you see in him or her, or it may even be sports tickets to see his favorite team. Whatever it is, a meaningful gift is something the other person would truly treasure, be it big or small. So tune out the marketing folks and search for that special thing to give your perfect Valentine.

Marriage and forming your new family

The truth is, when you marry, your new spouse should always come first. Avoid going to your parents first for guidance and advice because they are no longer your primary family; your spouse is. Your growth and maturity requires you to change your emotional ties from your family of origin and make new and deep emotional ties with your spouse.

Too many brides go to their mother, sister or a girlfriend about the struggles in their marriage, and too many guys talk about intimate details of their marriage to their brothers or guy friends. Sooner or later the other will eventually find out, and he or she will feel betrayed. As a result, your relationship will be damaged because you now have a trust issue you have to work through.

So learn to establish boundaries early on in your marriage. Talk together about what each of you can and cannot talk about to others, and decide to keep private things private.