A Sharp-tongued Woman

“She’s often disrespectful to me and talks negatively about me. And she puts me down—even in front of others!” says a dismayed husband-to-be. It wasn’t the first and I’m sure it won’t be the last time we’ve heard the consequences of a sharp-tongued woman. So how should this man deal with his fiance’s unkind words?

First, the best approach is to confront the problem in a kind, gentle way. He may be tempted to strike out—an eye for eye and word for word—but that would be the worst way to deal with this. Modeling kind words and respect, even in the face of unkindness and disrespect, is the best way to go.

Second, he should find a way to discuss how this makes him feel, even if it means bringing in a third party such as a pastor or counselor. Yes, he may love her, but can he really live with that kind of condescension the rest of his life? Frankly, if she doesn’t acknowledge this weakness and choose to change, this man should decide if he should move forward with the wedding plans.

Listen to your fiancé

Listening to your future spouse in the midst of an argument may be the toughest yet most important thing you can do. During disagreements, you need to listen with your heart, eyes, and body as well as be open minded and willing to compromise.

When one is finished speaking, respectfully and calmly give immediate feedback regarding what you heard your future spouse say. Restate what you thought you heard, because people often misunderstand or misinterpret what was actually said. Then the other can clarify what he or she meant.

When in an argument, stay focused on the actual problem as you both understand it, and always keep your relationship as the top priority. When you really listen to each other, you can forgive and forget—and make it a win-win situation. You’ll never regret it.

Wounding Words: Arrows to the Heart

The Bible says that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. That means that sometimes, if there’s bitterness, anger, unforgiveness and stuff like that, it’ll often show up in what you say, even when you try to hide it. You say something you never meant to say, and you hurt the person you love the most.

Why? Using words that wound others may be an old habit you learned from your parents or friends; it may come from some deep-seeded anger that you haven’t resolved or a fear of failure, or guilt from the past or insecurity to name a few.

So what do you do about it? First, recognize that you are hurting people and choose to correct it. Then ask for the Lord’s and your loved one’s forgiveness. Next, assess what’s in your heart that is prompting hurtful words. Sometimes that means you get a bit of counseling to figure it out. After you’ve weeded out the heart stuff that’s causing this, choose healing and loving words. It’s God’s way!

Anger Management

When your fiance has a more-than-hot temper, what do you do? This, of course, is a very important question to answer before you marry. If you sweep it under the rug, you'll be sure to experience the aftermath of tempers flaring and hurt feelings affecting in your marriage.

Truth is, marriage is like a pressure cooker, especially in the first few weeks and months after you marry. If you haven't dealt with anger management and figured out what the boundaries are within heated moments, flaring tempers can cause years of hurts and wounds that can affect your relationship. If either of you have anger management problems, talk to your pastor, counselor or a mature couple who can help you navigate the challenges ahead.